Episode 90: Fathers in time

0:00 What's going on? It's nocturnal.

0:02 It's shady. Easy.

0:03 Welcome to the ruly on this podcast.

0:05 That's. What

0:17 it you? Good big governors.

0:29 Good day. Not you aching on the fucking

0:32 camera. Welcome back to another episode

0:34 of Really. On this podcast, We are back.

0:36 Back again. Daddy's back.

0:38 That's Frank. Yeah.

0:40 Since we've been here, oh, look, 619.

0:43 Hey, yo. Yeah, 619 A.

0:45 Whole Eminem segment, guys. How's it been?

0:47 It's been a couple weeks. You know how y'all been?

0:50 I can't complain. Just being a daddy.

0:53 No complaints at all. I can see clearly now the rain

0:55 is gone. Hey, yeah, I was fine.

0:58 So about 45 minutes ago. It was stupido, yeah.

1:02 So on today's episode of Shady's Taking This Shit Over on this

1:10 episode of Light Skin versus Dark Skin.

1:12 No. First off, you called just the

1:14 clear couch. Definitely.

1:16 I was talking about the clarity of the camera.

1:19 No, no, I don't. I really want.

1:21 You coming for the light skins? It's I got a little tame, but

1:24 not enough. I was really looking at the TV

1:26 and like damn, in 4K. Y'all clear as shit.

1:30 If we pale, just say that. He just try and call his case

1:33 was. Now for I just got come in the

1:35 field and stay staying in the house.

1:36 No, we definitely come in the field with you.

1:38 You can have that. I like my A/C office.

1:41 Nah. Oh God boy.

1:46 So knock what you got from quick pop up today.

1:51 Before we get into that, I just wanted to just to take a moment

1:55 of silence. I know like y'all in particular,

1:57 but we all like just had some recent deaths close to very

2:03 close to the West. I just want to take like little

2:05 10 seconds a moment of silence for that. 10 seconds too long

2:07 when that air. Yeah.

2:15 Yeah. So but.

2:18 You got left to keep from crying right here, man.

2:20 Definitely quick pop ups. Do we do we want to talk about

2:26 this Keke Palmer thing? No, no, no.

2:29 Cool. Alright, that's.

2:30 Been goofy. It wasn't an issue.

2:33 I The only thing I'll say is you should have left it at home.

2:36 They live together. Thank you.

2:39 That's regardless of how you feel about which direction it

2:43 should have never got on Twitter.

2:44 Hey man, I can say if it was TI then I say bitch to TI.

2:49 I sure. Yeah, like I just.

2:53 You really can't say that about TI even though.

2:56 That was just The boondocks, but that's just keep your

2:59 relationship drama off social media, please.

3:02 Whether it's Regardless of what it is, just keep your

3:05 relationship shit at home, in your house.

3:07 All social media, put your Twitter fingers away and that's

3:11 it. I could literally be like F you,

3:15 but I ain't gonna get on Facebook and tell everybody, you

3:18 know what I'm saying? I think that we gotta stop that.

3:20 Agreed. And was the dress really that

3:23 bad? It wasn't the dress.

3:24 It wasn't the dress I've seen a lot worse.

3:26 Definitely way worse. Because even say we live

3:30 together, if you think that I didn't approve of her wearing

3:32 that dress. No, she said that.

3:34 One of the motherfuckers said. That even that it was the

3:36 serenation. That's what it is.

3:37 But my thing is, Usher has had this fucking residency for over

3:43 a year. Y'all have seen videos.

3:45 I could have sworn it was longer.

3:46 I'm just saying, over a year, y'all.

3:48 We've seen videos enough to know what what he does in his shows,

3:51 especially when his famous friends are there.

3:53 That and, like, you gotta remember, like, Kiki probably

3:56 watched this man's whole career growing up, so like, she had a

4:00 little fan motion fan moment. He's an R&B singer.

4:03 He's supposed to sing the panties off your bitch so you

4:05 can take him off later, he. Did pretty much.

4:07 He didn't do nothing wrong. He didn't give a damn what

4:10 Charlemagne said. He didn't do nothing wrong.

4:13 So much for talk about this. I'm saying this.

4:16 Job. I should do this job.

4:17 That's. It look if she paid good money

4:20 for them seats. That's what you're supposed to

4:22 do when you sit that close. You supposed to be fucking

4:24 entertaining and an intimate setting like that.

4:27 That man floats through the crowd for sure.

4:29 He does that. He even does it for regular

4:31 people that are not famous and we just we really just literally

4:35 just seen that coming up here and surely was doing way too

4:38 much. Like, like you took that fan

4:41 moment too far. Like black people?

4:44 Please lower your thumbs when you met at your significant

4:47 other. That's the tweet and lower your

4:50 thumbs when you mad at your parent.

4:52 Also, I E Bootsy and his daughter.

4:57 Look, this is a clear, clear sign of why black families need

5:02 to emphasize going to therapy. Because then y'all would know

5:07 how to communicate your issues, whether it's with the parent, a

5:10 parental figure, your significant other, and then you

5:13 would know how to communicate outside of social media.

5:16 Y'all use that shit as an outlet for the wrong reasons.

5:20 Everybody thinks social media is the go to now.

5:23 Go to, go, take your ass to therapy.

5:25 Go to that. I hate that I say it like this,

5:29 but it's given spoiled. Sure, like his daughter sounded

5:34 very spoiled. $80,000 car. But if what she said is true,

5:43 that you took it back while she went to care for her.

5:46 Say sick parent. That's fucked up, yeah.

5:49 Did he take it back or did he tell us she can't take it with

5:51 her? She alleged that he took it back

5:54 because she went back home to care for her mom again, we're

5:59 not there. We don't know.

6:01 We can only go off of what they posted.

6:03 And just I ain't gonna hold you. If I get ABBA $80,000 car and

6:10 she leaving and go do something, I don't want an $80,000 car.

6:14 In that type of I guess environment or neighborhood, so

6:17 I can understand from that aspect, but.

6:20 If he did it because she put him on child support, that's petty.

6:24 For the last six months or something like that.

6:26 Yeah, that's kind of petty, Granny.

6:28 We know. We've seen the pictures of him

6:30 as a state that he's building with all the streets named after

6:32 all eighteen of his kids. Crazy but.

6:37 Can't relate. Again, parents, that's a big

6:40 children. It's you're rightfully entitled

6:43 to fill. However you feel, keep that shit

6:46 off. Fucking Instagram and fucking

6:48 Twitter. Y'all just give people shit to

6:51 talk about and y'all just aid in the fact that we don't deal with

6:55 our issues internally at home. We need therapy.

6:59 There is no discipline with y'all motherfucking kids that I

7:04 wish my mother had $80,000 to buy me a car, dead ass.

7:07 But she had just had 80,000 just to give to me. $80.00 to give

7:12 me. The thousand No.

7:14 If my mother had $80,000 to spend on a car, definitely

7:17 wouldn't be buying a car, no? You know you know House, right?

7:22 More than that. But moving on like how you said,

7:24 like just giving people something to say you you rolling

7:29 uh this Suki hana video. Didn't see it.

7:33 Didn't see it. Don't want to see it?

7:35 Sad part. The second part is the people

7:37 that sent me that damn video we need to box.

7:41 I heard like Pepsi, it look like.

7:45 Iced tea Do. Don't ruin mountain.

7:47 Well, clearly somebody doesn't drink enough water.

7:49 Don't ruin iced tea for me. I said Pepsi, 'cause I don't

7:51 drink dog soda. I like Pepsi too.

7:53 You like everything. Fact You like the video, don't

7:57 you? Fact of the fact of the matter.

8:00 Is dog you? Fact of the matter is it was a

8:02 very dark color and it was disgusting.

8:06 I don't like somebody clearly needs to flush their organs and

8:09 drink gallons of water. Like Berry juice.

8:12 In water and water. Water is good for you, you grown

8:16 ass people that still say you don't drink fucking water?

8:19 Grow the fuck up. I will never understand it.

8:22 And when you go into kidney failure, don't ask me for mine.

8:26 Yeah, any grown person that says they don't drink water does not

8:29 need to be around. Oh, I eat ice chips.

8:31 Stupid motherfucker. Fuck you.

8:32 Fuck. You don't drink water, but you

8:34 eat ice. Like fuck.

8:35 What? That's.

8:37 Came out of the same tat, but you don't drink water, but you

8:39 don't eat ice chips from Chickfila.

8:41 I don't like that Sonic the Hospital.

8:44 The hospital that shit. Yeah, I love hospital wise for

8:47 some fucking reason that. Shit crack is good, though.

8:52 Look, I spent enough time in hospitals and at one point

8:54 that's all I could eat. I'm gonna take my blessings

8:56 where I can get him. Hospital and Sonic Ice.

9:00 Chickfila on the Boom and Chip Or is Hospital Ice and Sonic Ice

9:04 the same ice? Probably.

9:06 Probably think about it. Y'all just had a real moment

9:10 about ice. That's I'm really sitting here

9:14 like. Look at you.

9:15 Like that. That's crazy.

9:16 If you saw how me and Easy look yesterday, ice was a blessing.

9:19 After being out in that heat, it was a blessing.

9:22 I felt like I jumped in the pool real quick.

9:24 I can see it on him. But you.

9:27 I was outside. Man, you got a little film on

9:29 you, but that black. What that means?

9:32 He was out in the sun. No, I was out in the heat.

9:35 There's a difference. It was hot as hell just standing

9:37 there and I was under shape. Humidity gives you text.

9:39 No, I'm good moving the fucking one.

9:43 Yeah, so the what the fucking news of this week.

9:48 Hear me clearly and understand that when the year 2023.

9:52 Are we? I'm an alien.

9:55 Las Vegas Metro Police searched their home Monday as a part of

9:59 its ongoing investigation into the death.

10:02 Of fucking two hot Chicore. Senior attention death for 25

10:05 years, correct? Yep, 25 years you.

10:08 Live in Cuba. Where was all this damn energy

10:12 when the man got killed? Moved to Cuba.

10:17 That he live in Cuba. Definitely felt like that man

10:19 lives in Cuba. It took y'all 25 years to run in

10:22 one house. Where was this House at for the

10:25 last 25? That's by far the longest Rico

10:27 I've ever heard in my fucking life.

10:30 I just want to say that. Not for real.

10:33 Oh no. Speaking of a Rico, how the fuck

10:36 did Shane get a? Shane got a rear charge.

10:41 They stealing shit for racketeering.

10:45 The same reason why DH can't go me next.

10:48 Racketeering them boostiers and shit and all them fucking swim.

10:51 The same way DH can't go me next the motherfuckers.

10:54 Copyright infringement? Yeah, but I've never heard of a

10:57 clothing distributor getting a Rico, so from from the no.

11:04 No, no, FUBU was fine. You sure what the investigation

11:08 for? Something, yeah.

11:08 But it wasn't a Rico. It wasn't a Rico.

11:10 Hey. Man, it wasn't racketeering.

11:12 Fool us by us. Fuck you.

11:16 But like it's it's so bad that like I got the machine ad just

11:20 because I bought some stuff, you know they are selling shit for

11:24 like 4 dollars, $5 down to $0.50.

11:28 They trying to make all that lawyer money.

11:31 Absolutely. And I'm waiting for fashion over

11:34 to throw that we ain't having a Rico sale.

11:36 It sent out the text message Compassion over be paid Let.

11:39 Me. Go in and download Sheen.

11:43 No, you can definitely get some tshirts and some shit.

11:45 Yeah, a couple little plain tshirts.

11:48 Like like down to 50. Dresses 50.

11:51 Federal government, I just have a question.

11:55 Do we have nothing else to prosecute that we are putting

11:58 clothing under Rico? Apparently not.

12:03 What if Sheen was a mean ass drug front like in the Mayans

12:07 first season when they was putting it in the dresses?

12:11 Or remember, what the fuck was that app that was selling the

12:17 children, but it was selling Wayfair.

12:19 Wayfair. Allegedly human trafficking in

12:24 prostitution through furniture, I told.

12:27 You pussy. I'm trying to ignore.

12:35 Way fair. Where you can play fair, be

12:39 fair, all is fair. Oh, it's not fair in love and

12:42 war. With no hair.

12:44 Unless you like that. No, no, I'm good.

12:51 Please come bold. Thank you.

12:54 Hot for that shit. Too hot for body hair?

12:58 Yeah, that's the end of the quick pop up I got for the quick

13:00 pop Ups it. Was a fly.

13:02 Pregnant that try like egg on your face.

13:04 Good. It really did.

13:06 That's that shit. Try and tell you to try to get

13:08 me earlier. I just want to pull a disclaimer

13:10 as the ruling on his podcast and we ain't letting Kai choose

13:12 violence no more on this show because I'm sick of his shit.

13:15 I. Already have it?

13:17 Nope. Well, let's go.

13:18 Let's go into, you know what? Grinds my gears, Grinds you guy.

13:21 Really what? The fuck I do?

13:23 Cuz you always choose a violence can.

13:25 We block him in real life. That is.

13:26 Crazy. That mother Michael.

13:29 But. No.

13:30 Guess what the violence of the day is?

13:31 No, no. We going music.

13:33 No we ain't. Oh, hell no.

13:34 Of course we are. God, here's Mike.

13:36 And you know what? I'm gonna see this one first.

13:43 Usher. Let it burn.

13:48 Justin Timberlake. Cry me a river.

13:50 Cry me, cry me, Both of them petty.

13:56 Cry me both of them. Was both of them like definitely

14:00 did numbers? JT.

14:03 Justin Timberlake Honorable Mention Marsha and Brochures.

14:06 I'm definitely doing JT. If you don't know, now you know

14:10 I'm Justin Timberlake, Honorable mention usher.

14:14 I'm gonna go usher. Different honorable mention,

14:16 Marsha, and brochures. You gonna usher?

14:18 I'm gonna go Usher. JT just had that one song you

14:25 made, a whole album of a house. We ain't talking about the

14:28 album, we talking about the song.

14:29 You want to get into this with me right now?

14:31 Oh you simple fat bastard, You Justin Timberlake until the end

14:37 of time, featuring Beyoncé or loving this club remix.

14:42 Featuring Beyoncé JT. Same album.

14:50 Eagle, it is OK. Yeah, you only have one song.

14:54 Fuck up. What you saying boss baby.

14:58 But no. Loving this.

14:59 Loving this club was a whole different album, though.

15:02 I'm talking about JT right now. Don't let me reach over and

15:05 smack you with this 4K glasses I got on.

15:09 Yeah, they said. JT, you say JT.

15:11 Alright, cool. No.

15:14 So I'm gonna get off of violence real quick and I'm gonna ask

15:17 y'all question. Did y'all see that video?

15:20 That popped up on Leon's page. Yeah, I said.

15:22 Leon. He only got one name, the actor,

15:25 where he showed the video of them actually singing together.

15:29 Was your five heartbeats yeah that.

15:30 Was the coolest shit ever to me. But back to violence, 5

15:34 heartbeats, or the Temptation movie.

15:35 Let's go. They both long as fuck.

15:40 Let's fucking go the Five Heartbeats movie or the

15:42 Temptation movie. And I'm going motherfucker. 5

15:45 heartbeats. 5 heartbeats. You gotta take a day off to

15:49 watch the fucking temptations like I'm.

15:51 Gonna go Temptation is temptations.

15:55 It's a series. Remember that.

15:56 No, it's not Jackson movie something.

15:59 It's a Jackson movie. It's a series.

16:01 No, The Temptations is just a movie.

16:03 It's just that shit. We had cable back then, so it

16:06 was on fucking TV. That shit came out on TV and

16:09 that shit took, was it. Because of commercials 2 weeks.

16:13 So think of it now, if you went and streamed the Temptations

16:16 movie. Without the commercials it would

16:18 not be as long. It was fucking weird.

16:20 It would look weird, but you gotta think of it.

16:23 It was a made for TV movies it's.

16:24 The same net? Yes, same net.

16:26 We gonna bang him? For real, think of it like this.

16:31 Watching that movie now with streaming services without

16:33 commercials, The Temptations movie probably wouldn't be as

16:35 long. Probably like 2 1/2, yeah?

16:37 It's still no. It's still 2 1/2, but without

16:40 the commercials. The movie looks weird to me,

16:42 yeah. But what I'm saying is like the

16:43 Jackson 5 movie is five business days.

16:46 It's a movie, the Jackson 5 movie.

16:50 It looks weird without the commercials because you're so

16:52 used to those breaks. And when those breaks come, it's

16:54 like a turning the page seeing. But it's like that, I'll say.

17:02 Leon's comedic flair as David Ruffin made The Temptations

17:06 movie like the storyline was great.

17:08 We got to learn a lot of, you know, the history that you know

17:12 the opening and closing of the group and they're technically

17:15 still performing to this day in some capacity, right?

17:20 That fucking neck. But Leon's portrayal of David

17:24 Ruffin was chef's kiss, like the comedic flair with the talent.

17:30 It was fucking awesome. And the fact that I agree, the

17:33 fact that the guy that. But I still gonna fire herpes

17:35 for the for my choice. The fact that the guy that

17:37 played uh Otis Redding like really hated that ain't nobody

17:41 coming to see you oldest line in real life.

17:44 Like he still hates that line. Yo, that is the best improv line

17:48 he's ever in a movie. Like that.

17:49 Time out. Like not in a non comedy improv.

17:52 Let's get past it. No.

17:53 Hell no. Let's just call this man Oldest

17:55 reading. His name is Otis Williams,

17:58 oldest Williams Shit. I'm about to talk about two

18:00 different people. Funny.

18:02 What? What?

18:03 I don't know why. I don't know why the reading

18:05 came up. I know who it is, but I'm trying

18:08 to think. Yeah, moving on.

18:11 Just just move on. Be fucked.

18:12 All sitting that single chair over there.

18:14 Yeah, you and time out, buddy. Yeah, that was that.

18:16 That was wild and outrageous. Oldest reading, oldest reading,

18:20 oldest Williams do do. Easy mistake.

18:25 For who? Easy must.

18:31 They're both names. Older that's.

18:33 A No, he said. That ain't no easy mistake.

18:35 That is an easy mistake. You can't say that you gotta

18:38 coin coin that shit right now. We gotta make you gotta.

18:41 Make a segment called. Easy mistake, easy mistake cuz

18:45 he. That's a lot to be heard you

18:46 definitely. He makes a lot of damn.

18:47 Dummy you. Speaking of easy mistake.

18:51 On today's episode. Shy mistake.

18:54 Yeah, that. Wasn't a shady mistake.

18:56 That was a shy mistake. Why are you telling my business

18:58 from the show it's Christ? So.

19:01 Y'all say how they do me. That's crazy.

19:03 Speaking of easy mistake, today I'm going to help Oprah mediate

19:08 a conversation between my good brothers here about black

19:12 fatherhood. There's going to be one of the

19:17 ones. I feel like we're going to have

19:19 a great conversation. So I want to start off positive

19:24 before y'all get into the heavy aspects of being black fathers,

19:29 especially from basically how we're sitting almost.

19:33 It's as parents in general, because we're all parents now,

19:38 literally in length, give or take.

19:40 You swap easy and knock. The the time frame that we've

19:45 been parents spans across this panel.

19:49 Me having the oldest child of course out of the panel.

19:54 So my first question to you guys is what do you enjoy the most of

19:59 being a fatherhood? Now you can start with Knock as

20:04 a new father and then Segway down.

20:08 I'm enjoying it all right now because, like, I'm just, I'm

20:11 still, I'm still learning him. I'm still learning different

20:14 things about myself. Like just watching him like

20:17 create his own personality and all that.

20:20 He is a angry little man. He's a angry little man.

20:25 If he don't get his bottle in a certain time, he'll kick you, or

20:29 punch you or scratch you, or all three.

20:31 Don't you get angry? Oh, I know he was swinging at

20:34 me. I had to put a pause on him.

20:36 He thought it was a game, but like, I'm just, I'm just taking

20:40 it all in, like. Easy, the fact that.

20:46 When I do have them, no matter what kind of day I'm having or I

20:51 had, every time I see him, his face lights up to see me, which

20:55 makes me smile on the inside and out like in the morning.

20:58 I could probably wake up later. Shit like, alright, fuck this

21:02 day. I'm ready to get over with.

21:03 Let me get him ready here. Wake up laughing.

21:06 Alright, come on, we playing. Let's go.

21:07 Drop you off? Take him out from daycare.

21:10 Here's the door open. He's sprinting through the door

21:12 just to come see me so. That's the door for me.

21:18 I feel like the best part about being a parent is actually

21:22 seeing my child grow up and have like the certain characteristics

21:27 of me and her mom and then me having another child.

21:32 And I just see all me, the charismatic stuff, the dancing,

21:37 the attitude. The distance between people

21:42 sometimes, but being outgoing, I think the coolest thing ever for

21:47 me is like, it's like looking at miniature me's even though their

21:52 moms play a part, play a great part.

21:54 I would take nothing from them being mothers at all, but the

21:58 best part for me of being a dad is actually seeing them develop

22:02 into the young woman that they are.

22:06 So. Speaking of you being a dad

22:08 because you are a girl dad, are they any?

22:13 Yeah, you are a girl. Dad, are there any you are Kobe?

22:17 Yeah, little. We got juniors over here.

22:21 Are there any values that you feel like as a father and as a

22:25 man that you feel like you you have to instill in your

22:28 daughters? For me, I feel like with my

22:32 oldest daughter, she grew up with me.

22:35 You know what I mean? By her being 16, I'm 33 by the

22:40 time I say I'll be 34, but 30-4 years old and her being 16, she

22:45 literally grew up with me. Like she grew up with us.

22:48 Everything that I was learning along the way, she was seeing

22:52 and she was into. So I feel like everything that's

22:55 instilled in her came from her just noticing and watching.

22:58 She sees how I am with people. She knows right from wrong and

23:03 she knows what to do and what not to do, but at the same time,

23:06 I don't. Force my my views on her.

23:12 I give her a chance to be herself, but I allow certain

23:17 aspects of I hear you. But no, I don't think.

23:24 I don't think that's right for you.

23:27 So with that, you guys raising black sons versus we have

23:34 daughters. Do you guys feel like it's

23:36 harder for you to raise black sons than black daughters?

23:44 I won't say it's harder. I would say like it's definitely

23:50 more like all right, what can what do I instill in him for him

23:59 to grow and what do I instill in him?

24:01 Just just just in general, like what do I instill in him to like

24:04 just to grow and just to be his type of person and know the

24:07 right, the right from wrongs. Because me growing up like I've

24:12 had a bunch of male figures in my life that taught me right

24:14 from wrong, depending on what you call right and wrong.

24:18 So now I have to like unlearn some stuff about that I've that

24:24 I've done and try to put the best parts of that into him.

24:30 I must say pretty much what I was about to say, like learning

24:33 from all of my mistakes that I did in life, regardless of what

24:37 they were. You know, I give me like, yeah,

24:40 you probably shouldn't do this. You know, you can make your own

24:43 decision. You can do it if you want.

24:44 But I'm telling you, this is a warning.

24:45 Don't do that stuff like that. So he really a miniature version

24:51 of me right now. That's a bit of a bad thing.

24:57 I think for me, I think it's difficult for us in this climate

25:05 and how things are constantly changing to raise black children

25:09 in general, and it's scary. It's scary to be a parent

25:16 nowadays, regardless of, you know, race, ethnicity, however

25:20 you identify. I think it's scary because now

25:24 you got to worry about if your kids going to come home from

25:26 school. Or just they can't be kids

25:29 anymore. You get what I'm saying?

25:30 Like they can't go to the park and just be normal.

25:34 And that's one thing that I think us now as adults that we

25:38 probably took for granted is being able to be a child because

25:43 they don't have that luxury. Of course they have social

25:45 media. We didn't have that.

25:47 Our social media was calling somebody on the House phone and

25:50 then walking halfway. You got what I'm saying.

25:51 We meeting at the park, we meeting wherever.

25:54 I think that's the scariest thing.

25:56 Well, I don't think we took it for granted, I would say.

25:58 That I think now, well, yeah, now, well, I would say like we

26:02 made the best of it. Absolutely.

26:04 We had no choice. We were.

26:07 We didn't have we. Were innovators.

26:08 We made our own fun do. You know how great it was to

26:12 ride your bike around the corner and you see everybody else bike

26:15 in the middle of the yard? Good times, good times.

26:18 Can't relate. We had yards.

26:22 We had streets, bro. You grew up in the county.

26:27 I was bro. We had maybe a fence on somebody

26:30 else. Concrete.

26:31 We ain't had no grass. Concrete.

26:34 That's it. It wasn't until we got like a

26:36 little bit older it was like it was the backyard.

26:38 That's grass. I started over there on

26:40 monastery at first, but you know.

26:46 What mistakes? In life has taught you the most

26:52 one about life and about parenthood.

26:56 You know, you know what I told I tell hey, well, I've been

27:02 telling this since she was like 3.

27:04 I tell everybody it's like even like me being like a father

27:06 figure, the people me being like a a male figure in certain

27:10 people life, like with the dance culture and stuff like that.

27:14 I've always told them don't want to be like me, be better than

27:18 me. And a lot of times people don't

27:21 get that they don't understand because they never know what I

27:23 went through or what I'm going through.

27:26 And when I explain to them certain things like, look, you

27:29 have to be better than what I am or what I was or what your

27:33 thought process, processes of me, you have to be better than

27:37 that. Because if not, you're settling.

27:40 You're just settling for my level when you should be

27:43 shooting past that. So don't ever wanna be like me.

27:47 Always wanna be better than me. And that's hard to tell them

27:50 because like, they didn't know you at 16.

27:54 Like you know you knew exactly what you were doing at 16.

27:57 They just know. I don't.

27:58 Know what I was doing at 16. They just know this more adult,

28:03 more mature kind. Yeah, they think I sell drugs,

28:07 essentially, when we find they're serious.

28:09 It's essentially, in a sense, what he's saying is bro, when we

28:13 find out our idols are real people, yeah.

28:16 Get what I'm saying? Like in that moment I try.

28:19 To get. Like, you can just pick like we

28:22 had like Power Rangers going on, right?

28:24 Yeah, So you when you realize that.

28:25 The real Power Rangers, by the way, Right.

28:27 But. Essentially, we realized our

28:29 idols are real people. Confused.

28:31 They go through real, you know, they they go through real life

28:35 shit. He.

28:36 Had the turbo range, doesn't bitch.

28:39 I grew up whatever was in there. Um, but yeah, I think it's just

28:42 essentially, you know, we find out.

28:43 Tommy was two different. Ranges.

28:45 Y'all motherfucker. Stay on topic.

28:47 God, God. Geez, y'all can be serious for

28:49 two fucking minutes. Go ahead.

28:52 I don't. Even know what the fuck I was

28:53 about to say anymore? Fuck y'all.

28:56 Answer got them growing up and growing up without idols like.

28:59 You realize they real people when you when you have that

29:02 light bulb go off, like damn, like they go through the same

29:07 shit I go through. They just famous, you know what

29:10 I'm saying? Life still hits them the same.

29:13 Person with money, yeah. I mean, you can kind of look at,

29:15 you can kind of look at your parents, us being parents now.

29:18 You can kind of look at your parents now in that aspect.

29:22 Like, you didn't understand why your mother was saying certain

29:26 stuff to you. Why, like, why she was, like,

29:29 cussing you out of because of certain decisions that you made.

29:32 Now that you have your own, like, oh, the light bulb comes

29:36 on, like, now I get what now I get where you coming from.

29:38 Now I understand. Like now I get what you saying,

29:41 like, oh, you smell like outdoors.

29:43 You motherfucker smell like outdoors.

29:44 I. Gotta go ahead easy, but I do

29:49 have a segue. Question into what, Not just it?

29:52 Listen, I got the perfect example for what he was talking

29:55 about. Like growing up, every time I

29:58 want to leave out the house, my mother would ask me where I'm

30:01 going, what I'm gonna do, what time I'm coming back, who are

30:05 going to be there, how I'm gonna get there, how I'm gonna get

30:06 back. Shits keep us annoying as fuck,

30:09 wasn't it? At that time.

30:12 It was annoying at that time and then it got to the point where I

30:15 already knew what questions you was going to ask and I started

30:17 answering it and I realized as I got older.

30:20 This is why she started saying those things, because of what's

30:23 going in the world. Well, you gotta remember your

30:25 parents are your first role models.

30:27 Yeah, like that. That that's if you had that

30:30 luxury. Yeah, like, well, whether you

30:32 have one parent or two that parent or parents, that's the

30:37 role model. That's the first person you look

30:39 up to for guidance for, you know, the sincerity.

30:44 That's the person you look at. So us being parents now?

30:48 We have to understand and know like they're really looking at

30:51 us now for this. Speaking of parents being your

30:57 role models, what is something that you may have experienced or

31:03 learned as a child that you want to do the opposite with your

31:09 child Now that you are a parent that your parents may have done

31:12 with you or to you, I'll. Go last.

31:15 Not for real. The easier the answer being an

31:19 absentee father. Like I just can't see myself

31:23 doing that. I've I've been through that and

31:28 the certain certain thing about about with boys not having

31:32 fathers in their lives is you start to adopt male figures like

31:36 like I've said taught me right and wrong depending on what you

31:40 go right and wrong. So you start to you start to

31:45 adopt their personalities start to adopt like their their

31:49 aspects and all that. And then you're still trying to

31:52 figure yourself out in that. But in the same time it's still

31:56 a it's still a missing piece because like none of these

31:59 people are my father. So now I so now I got to like

32:07 like I got to figure out where you are and if I'm and if I meet

32:13 you or if I had met you, I get the chance to meet you.

32:16 I might not like the person that I'm meeting.

32:20 Say, well, the lack of my father being around helped me become

32:28 more understanding the person that I am now.

32:31 So he wasn't around because he didn't want to be if I was on

32:35 drugs, so. Addiction.

32:39 Yeah, it's addiction. So my mother kept kept us away

32:43 from him, you know, until he cleaned himself up, because I

32:45 did see him a couple times, all this other stuff I'd be happy,

32:49 spend the night at his house, all this other shit.

32:53 But of course with me now I don't do drugs of course.

32:56 And I always said that I will always be there for my son.

33:01 But like that's why I can't say like a lot of people like, oh,

33:06 my fault, like he wasn't there for me.

33:07 I don't like no I've. Grown up to realize okay, he

33:12 actually tried. I don't fault for mother for

33:14 keeping us away from him, but I know that he tried to come see

33:18 us. But I know how addiction can be

33:20 in people so. I'll go before Guy because I

33:27 speak on this from both sides of the coin.

33:32 I think one thing I learned is. As a parent now and going

33:37 through as they say, custody dispute because as you know in

33:43 with lesbians the custody dispute is way worse and can get

33:48 way more volatile in some incidents than with heteros.

33:53 Because, you know, there is that when my daughter was born,

33:56 legally, I couldn't be on her birth certificate.

34:01 Because they did not recognize, you know, samesex couples having

34:04 kids and samesex marriages at that time.

34:07 So literally, my daughter will be 18 next year and I've just in

34:12 the last few years been able to legally be on her birth

34:16 certificate as her parent. Big mother always threatened me

34:21 with child support, but child support and only support, I take

34:24 care of my kid. I think one thing that can tell

34:27 me is. Make time for your kids and not

34:33 excuses. Make more time and less excuses.

34:37 My father, I would say, chose to build a family elsewhere.

34:44 I have three older siblings and one sibling younger than me,

34:48 biologically by him. And then I have a stepsister

34:50 that they adopted who's right above my youngest brother.

34:54 My oldest two siblings. As we say, they were born out of

34:57 love. He participated more actively in

35:00 raising them and they lived ten blocks from me growing up.

35:07 So you know, as we get older, it was always your mom, your mom,

35:10 your mom, and then as a kid, you start to resent the other

35:13 parent. But you know, as I got older and

35:18 I understand in some aspects why my mom did what she did, because

35:22 she was tired of seeing me disappointed and.

35:26 Of course parents feel like kids don't remember things.

35:29 But for example, like I remember calling my father because he had

35:33 visitation rights for my middle sister for like every other

35:36 weekend. And he would be like, I'm going

35:38 to pick you up at Friday at 6:00 o'clock and then I will call and

35:41 pager. I'm that old.

35:42 He had a pager then and he wouldn't answer me for days,

35:47 weeks at a time and would never give a justification why he just

35:50 didn't come. So now in my 30s.

35:54 My relationship with my father is kind of like nonexistent

35:57 innocence and I don't think he'll ever fully digest.

36:02 Well, apparently he watches the podcast, so he's going to see

36:04 it. Now why I respond to him the way

36:07 that I do? Because now even when we engage,

36:11 you engage with me like you're my friend.

36:14 You don't engage with me as somebody who is my parental

36:18 figure and. Watching him build a life with

36:24 his wife and her kids just kind of in a sense of and instill

36:29 something into to make you feel like you're not good enough.

36:33 What? One thing I learned from my mom

36:36 to instill in my child, and I actually have is getting mental

36:41 health help. My mom grew up in that era of,

36:47 you know, with the parents of. There is no such thing as mental

36:50 health issues or what happens in this house stays in and they

36:54 don't get help for these things. My mom is in her 50s and still

36:58 battling childhood trauma because that was instilled in

37:01 her that therapy is not important and therapy isn't

37:04 going to fix you and I. Watch how her behavior towards

37:10 me and my brother. Of course we feel a way about

37:13 it, but now that I've been to therapy.

37:16 And process some things and seeing it from a different

37:18 perspective. I can understand it.

37:22 Whether I like it, I don't have to agree with it, but I

37:25 understand why she acted the way she did or she responded the way

37:29 she did. Or in a sense of what she

37:32 thought was love is how she expressed it, because that was

37:35 what she was taught. And like, you guys know this.

37:40 I'm not a very big physical touch person.

37:44 I didn't grow up in a household that was affectionate like that.

37:47 We didn't give hugs. We didn't always tell each other

37:50 We loved each other. You know, we didn't do any of

37:52 that in my family. So me trying to embrace that

37:56 now, like, even in my romantic relationships, it's very hard

37:59 and it's always a problem. That's one thing I don't do to

38:04 my daughter. The first time she ever

38:07 mentioned anything about mental health, I called her other

38:09 mother and was like, let's get her a therapist.

38:13 She asked for it. I wish when I was 12 that I got

38:19 a therapist when I asked for it. You know, the first time I even

38:23 thought about harming myself. I was a teenager, so I wish that

38:28 my parent when parents because I had my mom had boyfriends.

38:32 She does have a husband, you know.

38:33 I have parental male figures and uncles.

38:36 I wish that they took those things most serious.

38:38 So with my daughter, that is one thing that I did not instill

38:41 with her is. We are breaking breaking that

38:44 black stigma that mental health should not be treated.

38:47 If you feel like you need to talk to somebody that is not us,

38:50 we will pay for it. We waste money on way worse

38:53 things. So if that's a waste of money

38:56 from a parent perspective, that will benefit my child in the

38:59 long run. I will do that.

39:01 Because the one thing I can say, and you know this is me being an

39:04 aunt to like nephews or even daughters.

39:08 We ain't raising no fuck, boys. And no, fuck girls, because I

39:11 think that is a problem as well with our generation of of adults

39:17 or even, you know you. And still a dating things is the

39:20 absentee parent, whether it's male or female.

39:23 And the behaviors and the toxic behaviors that our parents

39:26 experience in their relationships when kids were

39:29 involved is why the fuck boy culture is so high.

39:33 Because our parents made it seem like it was OK because.

39:38 You know your father disappear for six weeks and your mom take

39:40 him back. He dropped Dick off and

39:42 everything is all good and the disappear and you're instilling

39:45 in your daughters that being treated like that is OK Me on

39:49 the other hand, I ain't taking that shit.

39:50 That was one thing I I have experienced some shit with

39:54 watching my mom go through different relationship domestic

39:57 violence, emotional abuse. Me.

40:00 You can go ahead and go. You you can go and go.

40:05 If you want to leave, get go. One monkey, don't stop, no show.

40:11 Because that's I'm a big thing against domestic violence.

40:15 Don't put your hands on me. Don't touch me.

40:17 I won't touch you. Like I'd punch something before

40:20 I punch someone. And I have done it like I've

40:24 punched the wall because I feel like if I'm at that point with

40:29 anyone, especially someone that I love, walk away, walk away.

40:34 I clearly don't love you enough because you know, as we say,

40:39 like domestic violence is not love.

40:40 I don't give a fuck how they portray it on TV.

40:43 The motherfucker can kiss you and buy you 10 Birkin bags after

40:46 he whip your ass. That is not love.

40:49 I'm sorry, I ran boot. Hey man, do you think, man?

40:53 Say, man, I feel like for me it's a little bit different the

41:00 way I grew up. Like Mommy, she watched this,

41:05 never watched. So there ain't no secret.

41:06 I put in my music too. I always felt like I was the

41:10 child. They really didn't give two

41:12 shit, two shits about because they felt like, oh, he's going

41:15 to be OK. You know what I mean?

41:18 The strongest. It's like, Oh my.

41:22 I'm gonna do this. Oh, no, no.

41:23 But wait, I gotta do this for your brother.

41:25 Well, no, because you know, your brother or your sister or your

41:28 brother or your sister. You know, we like the Jackson

41:30 Five. We deep as shit.

41:32 So it's like it is. It's like, damn, like, do I get

41:36 the the shot at, you know, getting that time from y'all.

41:41 And I don't feel like my parents ever understood that, even to

41:45 this day. And I'm a grown man, I have my

41:47 own children. They still don't get how that

41:50 bothered me to it, as though I had to seek help myself.

41:54 Being the black sheep, yeah. Fucking black sheep.

41:56 They feel like you sheep. Yeah, they feel like you're

41:59 strong enough that you don't need the same amount of

42:01 attention. And that that's not good because

42:04 that can make a person feel like, yeah, well, y'all putting

42:07 me here and they're here, but you're saying I'm here, but I'm

42:11 treated like I'm here. So I never, I never let that

42:15 register in my mind in a positive way, ever.

42:20 And that's what made me lash out and do the certain things that I

42:24 were doing, I was doing from fucking 12 years old on up.

42:30 Until I was damn near 25, I was just doing shit.

42:34 Because, you know, I come from a a A2 parent household.

42:42 But it's my mom and my step dad who's my father because he

42:46 raised me. My father died when I was three

42:49 years old. You asked me anything about him,

42:51 I couldn't fucking tell you. I don't know what his voice

42:53 sounded like, what his hand felt like, what he what what his

42:56 manualisms were what His last? I don't know.

42:58 None of that shit. All I know is I look just like

43:01 the motherfucker, and that's just me being real for me.

43:07 I never wanted to pass down to my children what he did and how

43:12 he lived his life. Because of the stories that I

43:15 hear, I wasn't there. I don't know.

43:19 It took a long time for anybody to tell me how my father really

43:21 died. I was 2627 years old when I

43:24 found out how he really died. My entire life I was told the

43:27 man had an asthma attack, was triggered a heart attack, and he

43:30 died in the hospital. Come and find out.

43:32 Fucking fall. Die from AIDS?

43:34 Damn. Damn, you know.

43:36 What I'm saying but this is the traumatic shit that bothers me

43:40 on the daily basis and nobody understands that shit.

43:43 Nobody gets it. When you go to your parent and

43:46 say, well, why you didn't tell me is oh, I didn't want nobody

43:49 to hurt you. Who the fuck is gonna what is

43:51 gonna hurt me more? You not telling me something I

43:54 found out randomly. Will mean knowing and growing up

43:57 knowing this. To know what not to fucking do

44:00 both what not to say you understand what I'm saying.

44:02 Both essentially, because in the era we grew up in those type of

44:10 things 'cause, OK, for example, easy think about how the world

44:17 knew how he died, right? Think about his children having

44:21 to go to school could potentially being bully.

44:25 Not saying you're the bully type, but I can understand both

44:29 both sides of the coin. I get that, but that wasn't the

44:32 excuse that was given to me, but that what was given to me was I

44:35 didn't want your siblings to talk down on you because of your

44:41 father, I said. You really think the

44:43 motherfuckers are that shallow that they would do that to me?

44:46 Now granted my brothers and sisters the are some assholes.

44:49 I think with you there's some fucking Dicks like y'all think

44:52 I'm bad. Shit, Michael Jackson.

44:56 That's just 1. Is real.

44:58 Like when I say real, my entire all of my siblings is sterile,

45:03 like very thorough, down to my fucking baby sister.

45:06 They don't care about nothing at all.

45:10 And I'm like the voice of reason sometimes.

45:11 And sometimes I would think I'm the only child, or they think

45:15 I'm the oldest and I'm not. I'm damn it less.

45:18 But at the same time, I live a certain life that.

45:24 A lot of them aren't accustomed to, so I'm looked at as oh hey,

45:30 the mature oh. And I'm And I ain't gonna hold

45:33 you. I'm fucking not.

45:36 I'm childish as shit, I'm we know.

45:37 I'm childish as fuck. But we know I'm the youngest and

45:41 I am the oldest. But like I if you know, you

45:43 know. I never wanted my children to go

45:46 through what I went through as a kid.

45:48 No lights, no hot water for damn near a year in a house.

45:53 Y'all see how I am now? Y'all know me, Y'all was picked

45:56 on as a kid. You know why?

45:57 Because I didn't have what everybody else had.

45:59 I didn't have the nicest shit to fly and shit.

46:02 You know why I own over 370 something Pet shoes right now?

46:06 Because AB counted on God. Because everything that I ever

46:11 wanted as a kid. I went back and got when I

46:13 started making my own money because I said, you know what?

46:16 That's what I want to do. I never was a hype beast.

46:19 I went back and got every fucking pair of shoes that I

46:22 ever wanted as a kid that I was told no to and granted they may

46:26 not have had it. That's cool, but what we

46:30 understood was no. Yeah, but you and you.

46:31 But also you talking to a motherfucker who would a pop.

46:35 You got 5000. Listen, I ain't gonna damn money

46:37 some right now a pop. You got 10 out so I can get some

46:42 weed here. So I'm going.

46:44 Probably what? He's fucked up.

46:46 Motherfucker. I just wanted to fucking slice a

46:49 piece from fucking 711. This wanna down, babe.

46:52 This a bitch. But that shit really happened

46:54 and my parents look at that shit like that never happened.

46:57 What? You know, seats in my fucking

47:00 memory. What?

47:01 You mean our? Parents so I would never do it

47:03 to my kids. What I learned one thing is our

47:05 parents get amnesia real quick. When you start digesting shit

47:10 and you get those, the memories that you thought you put off and

47:14 they you suppressed and you'd be like I remember when.

47:17 No, I said. They.

47:18 Ain't never happen. I ain't do that.

47:20 And I yeah. Yes, you did.

47:22 And they would sway you up and down that you are lying on them.

47:25 Fuck all of that. So to end all well and be well,

47:30 I know that I'm not the perfect father.

47:33 No one is. No matter what we do, we're not

47:36 the perfect parent. I know for a fact I'm not,

47:39 especially with my youngest daughter, but I try my best to

47:42 do everything in my power I can. While I can.

47:46 You know why? Because my father was not here

47:48 to see who the fuck I am. He don't know who I am.

47:52 He don't know what I what I accomplished what I did.

47:54 You know how angry I get what my fucking say?

47:57 Well, you just like your father. You dancing and everything.

47:58 No, I'm just like me. I don't know what the fuck he

48:00 did. I don't care what he did.

48:02 I did this shit for me, not for him.

48:04 I didn't do it because somebody was like, oh, your father used

48:06 to dance. I did this shit because it was

48:07 fucking fun and I got bitches, but I never.

48:14 Have I ever forced that on it? No.

48:17 When I when she want to dance, she'd do it.

48:19 If she don't, guess what, Don't do it.

48:21 Winter. Same thing.

48:23 You don't want to do it. You ain't no never.

48:26 Let nobody make you do something you don't want to do.

48:29 I wish Miles wouldn't take in a motorcycle so goddamn early.

48:32 This shit is irritating. So, you know, it's me, man.

48:35 The one thing I can applaud the four of us is us taking the

48:44 negative experience because we all have an absentee parent

48:47 regardless of it's death or life.

48:51 And we essentially show up for our kids that especially in a

48:56 close knit circle like we are, you got that did be friend who's

49:00 also that did be parent. And you know I definitely want

49:04 to applaud you guys for being great father figures regardless

49:10 of what anybody will say about you guys.

49:13 You guys showing up not in addition to you know just your

49:16 birth children. You know, some of you or all of

49:19 us are parental figures to children that are not

49:22 biologically ours. Bonus Dad Yeah, you know a bonus

49:26 parent and that takes a lot too because that bond, you know,

49:31 negatively, we can be like that bond could be taken away, but we

49:34 still show up for these kids and that is amazing itself.

49:38 And guys, I thank you for diving deep into this conversation with

49:43 me. We're coming to the close of

49:45 this episode. Thank y'all for joining us for

49:48 another episode of Really On this podcast.

49:50 We want to shout out our sponsor.

49:52 No Heart, No Hustle clothing. Make sure y'all shot with the

49:54 motherfucking gay. Also, let's not forget our

49:57 studio home, Digital Impact Studios.

49:59 We looking for a studio home. There's the people you need to

50:02 talk to. Find them on social media at

50:04 Digital Impact Studios and at no heart, no hustle on everything.

50:08 And I mean everything. And love your motherfucking

50:11 kids. Y'all.

50:12 See that? Yeah, man.

50:13 Love you motherfucking kids. Show up for your motherfucking

50:15 kids, no matter how hard it is. Show up for them fucking kids.

50:20 Because at the end of the day, them kids going to feel that

50:22 more than your baby mother, your baby father.

50:25 That's it. That's all.

50:26 Thank Y'all for joining us for another episode of Really On the

50:28 podcast I'm Shady. I'm comic fly.

50:30 I'm nocturnal. I'm hurting we out of here.