Episode 90: Fathers in time

What's going on? It's nocturnal. It's shady. Easy. Welcome to the ruly on this podcast. That's. What

it you? Good big governors. Good day. Not you aching on the fucking camera. Welcome back to another episode of Really. On this podcast, We are back. Back again. Daddy's back. That's Frank. Yeah. Since we've been here, oh, look, 619. Hey, yo. Yeah, 619 A. Whole Eminem segment, guys. How's it been? It's been a couple weeks. You know how y'all been? I can't complain. Just being a daddy. No complaints at all. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. Hey, yeah, I was fine. So about 45 minutes ago. It was stupido, yeah.

So on today's episode of Shady's Taking This Shit Over on this episode of Light Skin versus Dark Skin. No. First off, you called just the clear couch. Definitely. I was talking about the clarity of the camera. No, no, I don't. I really want. You coming for the light skins? It's I got a little tame, but not enough. I was really looking at the TV and like damn, in 4K. Y'all clear as shit. If we pale, just say that. He just try and call his case was. Now for I just got come in the field and stay staying in the house.

No, we definitely come in the field with you. You can have that. I like my A/C office. Nah. Oh God boy.

So knock what you got from quick pop up today. Before we get into that, I just wanted to just to take a moment of silence. I know like y'all in particular, but we all like just had some recent deaths close to very close to the West. I just want to take like little 10 seconds a moment of silence for that. 10 seconds too long when that air. Yeah. Yeah. So but. You got left to keep from crying right here, man. Definitely quick pop ups. Do we do we want to talk about this Keke Palmer thing? No, no, no.

Cool. Alright, that's. Been goofy. It wasn't an issue. I The only thing I'll say is you should have left it at home. They live together. Thank you. That's regardless of how you feel about which direction it should have never got on Twitter. Hey man, I can say if it was TI then I say bitch to TI. I sure. Yeah, like I just. You really can't say that about TI even though. That was just The boondocks, but that's just keep your relationship drama off social media, please. Whether it's Regardless of what it is, just keep your relationship shit at home, in your house.

All social media, put your Twitter fingers away and that's it. I could literally be like F you, but I ain't gonna get on Facebook and tell everybody, you know what I'm saying? I think that we gotta stop that. Agreed. And was the dress really that bad? It wasn't the dress. It wasn't the dress I've seen a lot worse. Definitely way worse. Because even say we live together, if you think that I didn't approve of her wearing that dress. No, she said that. One of the motherfuckers said. That even that it was the serenation.

That's what it is. But my thing is, Usher has had this fucking residency for over a year. Y'all have seen videos. I could have sworn it was longer. I'm just saying, over a year, y'all. We've seen videos enough to know what what he does in his shows, especially when his famous friends are there. That and, like, you gotta remember, like, Kiki probably watched this man's whole career growing up, so like, she had a little fan motion fan moment. He's an R&B singer. He's supposed to sing the panties off your bitch so you can take him off later, he.

Did pretty much. He didn't do nothing wrong. He didn't give a damn what Charlemagne said. He didn't do nothing wrong. So much for talk about this. I'm saying this. Job. I should do this job. That's. It look if she paid good money for them seats. That's what you're supposed to do when you sit that close. You supposed to be fucking entertaining and an intimate setting like that. That man floats through the crowd for sure. He does that. He even does it for regular people that are not famous and we just we really just literally just seen that coming up here and surely was doing way too much.

Like, like you took that fan moment too far. Like black people? Please lower your thumbs when you met at your significant other. That's the tweet and lower your thumbs when you mad at your parent. Also, I E Bootsy and his daughter. Look, this is a clear, clear sign of why black families need to emphasize going to therapy. Because then y'all would know how to communicate your issues, whether it's with the parent, a parental figure, your significant other, and then you would know how to communicate outside of social media.

Y'all use that shit as an outlet for the wrong reasons. Everybody thinks social media is the go to now. Go to, go, take your ass to therapy. Go to that. I hate that I say it like this, but it's given spoiled. Sure, like his daughter sounded very spoiled. $80,000 car. But if what she said is true, that you took it back while she went to care for her. Say sick parent. That's fucked up, yeah. Did he take it back or did he tell us she can't take it with her? She alleged that he took it back because she went back home to care for her mom again, we're not there.

We don't know. We can only go off of what they posted. And just I ain't gonna hold you. If I get ABBA $80,000 car and she leaving and go do something, I don't want an $80,000 car. In that type of I guess environment or neighborhood, so I can understand from that aspect, but. If he did it because she put him on child support, that's petty. For the last six months or something like that. Yeah, that's kind of petty, Granny. We know. We've seen the pictures of him as a state that he's building with all the streets named after all eighteen of his kids.

Crazy but. Can't relate. Again, parents, that's a big children. It's you're rightfully entitled to fill. However you feel, keep that shit off. Fucking Instagram and fucking Twitter. Y'all just give people shit to talk about and y'all just aid in the fact that we don't deal with our issues internally at home. We need therapy. There is no discipline with y'all motherfucking kids that I wish my mother had $80,000 to buy me a car, dead ass. But she had just had 80,000 just to give to me. $80.00 to give me.

The thousand No. If my mother had $80,000 to spend on a car, definitely wouldn't be buying a car, no? You know you know House, right? More than that. But moving on like how you said, like just giving people something to say you you rolling uh this Suki hana video. Didn't see it. Didn't see it. Don't want to see it? Sad part. The second part is the people that sent me that damn video we need to box. I heard like Pepsi, it look like. Iced tea Do. Don't ruin mountain. Well, clearly somebody doesn't drink enough water.

Don't ruin iced tea for me. I said Pepsi, 'cause I don't drink dog soda. I like Pepsi too. You like everything. Fact You like the video, don't you? Fact of the fact of the matter. Is dog you? Fact of the matter is it was a very dark color and it was disgusting. I don't like somebody clearly needs to flush their organs and drink gallons of water. Like Berry juice. In water and water. Water is good for you, you grown ass people that still say you don't drink fucking water? Grow the fuck up. I will never understand it.

And when you go into kidney failure, don't ask me for mine. Yeah, any grown person that says they don't drink water does not need to be around. Oh, I eat ice chips. Stupid motherfucker. Fuck you. Fuck. You don't drink water, but you eat ice. Like fuck. What? That's. Came out of the same tat, but you don't drink water, but you don't eat ice chips from Chickfila. I don't like that Sonic the Hospital. The hospital that shit. Yeah, I love hospital wise for some fucking reason that. Shit crack is good, though.

Look, I spent enough time in hospitals and at one point that's all I could eat. I'm gonna take my blessings where I can get him. Hospital and Sonic Ice. Chickfila on the Boom and Chip Or is Hospital Ice and Sonic Ice the same ice? Probably. Probably think about it. Y'all just had a real moment about ice. That's I'm really sitting here like. Look at you. Like that. That's crazy. If you saw how me and Easy look yesterday, ice was a blessing. After being out in that heat, it was a blessing. I felt like I jumped in the pool real quick.

I can see it on him. But you. I was outside. Man, you got a little film on you, but that black. What that means? He was out in the sun. No, I was out in the heat. There's a difference. It was hot as hell just standing there and I was under shape. Humidity gives you text. No, I'm good moving the fucking one. Yeah, so the what the fucking news of this week. Hear me clearly and understand that when the year 2023. Are we? I'm an alien. Las Vegas Metro Police searched their home Monday as a part of its ongoing investigation into the death.

Of fucking two hot Chicore. Senior attention death for 25 years, correct? Yep, 25 years you. Live in Cuba. Where was all this damn energy when the man got killed? Moved to Cuba. That he live in Cuba. Definitely felt like that man lives in Cuba. It took y'all 25 years to run in one house. Where was this House at for the last 25? That's by far the longest Rico I've ever heard in my fucking life. I just want to say that. Not for real. Oh no. Speaking of a Rico, how the fuck did Shane get a? Shane got a rear charge.

They stealing shit for racketeering. The same reason why DH can't go me next. Racketeering them boostiers and shit and all them fucking swim. The same way DH can't go me next the motherfuckers. Copyright infringement? Yeah, but I've never heard of a clothing distributor getting a Rico, so from from the no. No, no, FUBU was fine. You sure what the investigation for? Something, yeah. But it wasn't a Rico. It wasn't a Rico. Hey. Man, it wasn't racketeering. Fool us by us. Fuck you.

But like it's it's so bad that like I got the machine ad just because I bought some stuff, you know they are selling shit for like 4 dollars, $5 down to $0.50. They trying to make all that lawyer money. Absolutely. And I'm waiting for fashion over to throw that we ain't having a Rico sale. It sent out the text message Compassion over be paid Let. Me. Go in and download Sheen. No, you can definitely get some tshirts and some shit. Yeah, a couple little plain tshirts. Like like down to 50. Dresses 50.

Federal government, I just have a question. Do we have nothing else to prosecute that we are putting clothing under Rico? Apparently not. What if Sheen was a mean ass drug front like in the Mayans first season when they was putting it in the dresses?

Or remember, what the fuck was that app that was selling the children, but it was selling Wayfair. Wayfair. Allegedly human trafficking in prostitution through furniture, I told. You pussy. I'm trying to ignore.

Way fair. Where you can play fair, be

fair, all is fair. Oh, it's not fair in love and war. With no hair. Unless you like that. No, no, I'm good. Please come bold. Thank you. Hot for that shit. Too hot for body hair? Yeah, that's the end of the quick pop up I got for the quick pop Ups it. Was a fly. Pregnant that try like egg on your face. Good. It really did. That's that shit. Try and tell you to try to get me earlier. I just want to pull a disclaimer as the ruling on his podcast and we ain't letting Kai choose violence no more on this show because I'm sick of his shit.

I. Already have it? Nope. Well, let's go. Let's go into, you know what? Grinds my gears, Grinds you guy. Really what? The fuck I do? Cuz you always choose a violence can. We block him in real life. That is. Crazy. That mother Michael. But. No. Guess what the violence of the day is? No, no. We going music. No we ain't. Oh, hell no. Of course we are. God, here's Mike. And you know what? I'm gonna see this one first.

Usher. Let it burn.

Justin Timberlake. Cry me a river. Cry me, cry me, Both of them petty. Cry me both of them. Was both of them like definitely did numbers? JT. Justin Timberlake Honorable Mention Marsha and Brochures. I'm definitely doing JT. If you don't know, now you know I'm Justin Timberlake, Honorable mention usher. I'm gonna go usher. Different honorable mention, Marsha, and brochures. You gonna usher? I'm gonna go Usher. JT just had that one song you made, a whole album of a house. We ain't talking about the album, we talking about the song.

You want to get into this with me right now? Oh you simple fat bastard, You Justin Timberlake until the end of time, featuring Beyoncé or loving this club remix. Featuring Beyoncé JT. Same album. Eagle, it is OK. Yeah, you only have one song. Fuck up. What you saying boss baby. But no. Loving this. Loving this club was a whole different album, though. I'm talking about JT right now. Don't let me reach over and smack you with this 4K glasses I got on.

Yeah, they said. JT, you say JT. Alright, cool. No. So I'm gonna get off of violence real quick and I'm gonna ask y'all question. Did y'all see that video? That popped up on Leon's page. Yeah, I said. Leon. He only got one name, the actor, where he showed the video of them actually singing together. Was your five heartbeats yeah that. Was the coolest shit ever to me. But back to violence, 5 heartbeats, or the Temptation movie. Let's go. They both long as fuck. Let's fucking go the Five Heartbeats movie or the Temptation movie.

And I'm going motherfucker. 5 heartbeats. 5 heartbeats. You gotta take a day off to watch the fucking temptations like I'm. Gonna go Temptation is temptations. It's a series. Remember that. No, it's not Jackson movie something. It's a Jackson movie. It's a series. No, The Temptations is just a movie. It's just that shit. We had cable back then, so it was on fucking TV. That shit came out on TV and that shit took, was it. Because of commercials 2 weeks. So think of it now, if you went and streamed the Temptations movie.

Without the commercials it would not be as long. It was fucking weird. It would look weird, but you gotta think of it. It was a made for TV movies it's. The same net? Yes, same net. We gonna bang him? For real, think of it like this. Watching that movie now with streaming services without commercials, The Temptations movie probably wouldn't be as long. Probably like 2 1/2, yeah? It's still no. It's still 2 1/2, but without the commercials. The movie looks weird to me, yeah. But what I'm saying is like the Jackson 5 movie is five business days.

It's a movie, the Jackson 5 movie. It looks weird without the commercials because you're so used to those breaks. And when those breaks come, it's like a turning the page seeing. But it's like that, I'll say. Leon's comedic flair as David Ruffin made The Temptations movie like the storyline was great. We got to learn a lot of, you know, the history that you know the opening and closing of the group and they're technically still performing to this day in some capacity, right? That fucking neck. But Leon's portrayal of David Ruffin was chef's kiss, like the comedic flair with the talent.

It was fucking awesome. And the fact that I agree, the fact that the guy that. But I still gonna fire herpes for the for my choice. The fact that the guy that played uh Otis Redding like really hated that ain't nobody coming to see you oldest line in real life. Like he still hates that line. Yo, that is the best improv line he's ever in a movie. Like that. Time out. Like not in a non comedy improv. Let's get past it. No. Hell no. Let's just call this man Oldest reading. His name is Otis Williams, oldest Williams Shit.

I'm about to talk about two different people. Funny. What? What? I don't know why. I don't know why the reading came up. I know who it is, but I'm trying to think. Yeah, moving on. Just just move on. Be fucked. All sitting that single chair over there. Yeah, you and time out, buddy. Yeah, that was that. That was wild and outrageous. Oldest reading, oldest reading, oldest Williams do do. Easy mistake. For who? Easy must.

They're both names. Older that's. A No, he said. That ain't no easy mistake. That is an easy mistake. You can't say that you gotta coin coin that shit right now. We gotta make you gotta. Make a segment called. Easy mistake, easy mistake cuz he. That's a lot to be heard you definitely. He makes a lot of damn. Dummy you. Speaking of easy mistake. On today's episode. Shy mistake. Yeah, that. Wasn't a shady mistake. That was a shy mistake. Why are you telling my business from the show it's Christ? So.

Y'all say how they do me. That's crazy. Speaking of easy mistake, today I'm going to help Oprah mediate a conversation between my good brothers here about black fatherhood. There's going to be one of the ones. I feel like we're going to have a great conversation. So I want to start off positive before y'all get into the heavy aspects of being black fathers, especially from basically how we're sitting almost. It's as parents in general, because we're all parents now, literally in length, give or take.

You swap easy and knock. The the time frame that we've been parents spans across this panel. Me having the oldest child of course out of the panel. So my first question to you guys is what do you enjoy the most of being a fatherhood? Now you can start with Knock as a new father and then Segway down. I'm enjoying it all right now because, like, I'm just, I'm still, I'm still learning him. I'm still learning different things about myself. Like just watching him like create his own personality and all that.

He is a angry little man. He's a angry little man. If he don't get his bottle in a certain time, he'll kick you, or punch you or scratch you, or all three. Don't you get angry? Oh, I know he was swinging at me. I had to put a pause on him. He thought it was a game, but like, I'm just, I'm just taking it all in, like. Easy, the fact that. When I do have them, no matter what kind of day I'm having or I had, every time I see him, his face lights up to see me, which makes me smile on the inside and out like in the morning.

I could probably wake up later. Shit like, alright, fuck this day. I'm ready to get over with. Let me get him ready here. Wake up laughing. Alright, come on, we playing. Let's go. Drop you off? Take him out from daycare. Here's the door open. He's sprinting through the door just to come see me so. That's the door for me. I feel like the best part about being a parent is actually seeing my child grow up and have like the certain characteristics of me and her mom and then me having another child. And I just see all me, the charismatic stuff, the dancing, the attitude.

The distance between people sometimes, but being outgoing, I think the coolest thing ever for me is like, it's like looking at miniature me's even though their moms play a part, play a great part. I would take nothing from them being mothers at all, but the best part for me of being a dad is actually seeing them develop into the young woman that they are. So. Speaking of you being a dad because you are a girl dad, are they any? Yeah, you are a girl. Dad, are there any you are Kobe? Yeah, little.

We got juniors over here. Are there any values that you feel like as a father and as a man that you feel like you you have to instill in your daughters? For me, I feel like with my oldest daughter, she grew up with me. You know what I mean? By her being 16, I'm 33 by the time I say I'll be 34, but 30-4 years old and her being 16, she literally grew up with me. Like she grew up with us. Everything that I was learning along the way, she was seeing and she was into. So I feel like everything that's instilled in her came from her just noticing and watching.

She sees how I am with people. She knows right from wrong and she knows what to do and what not to do, but at the same time, I don't. Force my my views on her. I give her a chance to be herself, but I allow certain aspects of I hear you. But no, I don't think. I don't think that's right for you. So with that, you guys raising black sons versus we have daughters. Do you guys feel like it's harder for you to raise black sons than black daughters?

I won't say it's harder. I would say like it's definitely more like all right, what can what do I instill in him for him to grow and what do I instill in him? Just just just in general, like what do I instill in him to like just to grow and just to be his type of person and know the right, the right from wrongs. Because me growing up like I've had a bunch of male figures in my life that taught me right from wrong, depending on what you call right and wrong. So now I have to like unlearn some stuff about that I've that I've done and try to put the best parts of that into him.

I must say pretty much what I was about to say, like learning from all of my mistakes that I did in life, regardless of what they were. You know, I give me like, yeah, you probably shouldn't do this. You know, you can make your own decision. You can do it if you want. But I'm telling you, this is a warning. Don't do that stuff like that. So he really a miniature version of me right now. That's a bit of a bad thing.

I think for me, I think it's difficult for us in this climate and how things are constantly changing to raise black children in general, and it's scary. It's scary to be a parent nowadays, regardless of, you know, race, ethnicity, however you identify. I think it's scary because now you got to worry about if your kids going to come home from school. Or just they can't be kids anymore. You get what I'm saying? Like they can't go to the park and just be normal. And that's one thing that I think us now as adults that we probably took for granted is being able to be a child because they don't have that luxury.

Of course they have social media. We didn't have that. Our social media was calling somebody on the House phone and then walking halfway. You got what I'm saying. We meeting at the park, we meeting wherever. I think that's the scariest thing. Well, I don't think we took it for granted, I would say. That I think now, well, yeah, now, well, I would say like we made the best of it. Absolutely. We had no choice. We were. We didn't have we. Were innovators. We made our own fun do. You know how great it was to ride your bike around the corner and you see everybody else bike in the middle of the yard?

Good times, good times. Can't relate. We had yards.

We had streets, bro. You grew up in the county. I was bro. We had maybe a fence on somebody else. Concrete. We ain't had no grass. Concrete. That's it. It wasn't until we got like a little bit older it was like it was the backyard. That's grass. I started over there on monastery at first, but you know.

What mistakes? In life has taught you the most one about life and about parenthood. You know, you know what I told I tell hey, well, I've been telling this since she was like 3. I tell everybody it's like even like me being like a father figure, the people me being like a a male figure in certain people life, like with the dance culture and stuff like that. I've always told them don't want to be like me, be better than me. And a lot of times people don't get that they don't understand because they never know what I went through or what I'm going through.

And when I explain to them certain things like, look, you have to be better than what I am or what I was or what your thought process, processes of me, you have to be better than that. Because if not, you're settling. You're just settling for my level when you should be shooting past that. So don't ever wanna be like me. Always wanna be better than me. And that's hard to tell them because like, they didn't know you at 16. Like you know you knew exactly what you were doing at 16. They just know. I don't.

Know what I was doing at 16. They just know this more adult, more mature kind. Yeah, they think I sell drugs, essentially, when we find they're serious. It's essentially, in a sense, what he's saying is bro, when we find out our idols are real people, yeah. Get what I'm saying? Like in that moment I try. To get. Like, you can just pick like we had like Power Rangers going on, right? Yeah, So you when you realize that. The real Power Rangers, by the way, Right. But. Essentially, we realized our idols are real people.

Confused. They go through real, you know, they they go through real life shit. He. Had the turbo range, doesn't bitch. I grew up whatever was in there. Um, but yeah, I think it's just essentially, you know, we find out. Tommy was two different. Ranges. Y'all motherfucker. Stay on topic. God, God. Geez, y'all can be serious for two fucking minutes. Go ahead. I don't. Even know what the fuck I was about to say anymore? Fuck y'all. Answer got them growing up and growing up without idols like. You realize they real people when you when you have that light bulb go off, like damn, like they go through the same shit I go through.

They just famous, you know what I'm saying? Life still hits them the same. Person with money, yeah. I mean, you can kind of look at, you can kind of look at your parents, us being parents now. You can kind of look at your parents now in that aspect. Like, you didn't understand why your mother was saying certain stuff to you. Why, like, why she was, like, cussing you out of because of certain decisions that you made. Now that you have your own, like, oh, the light bulb comes on, like, now I get what now I get where you coming from.

Now I understand. Like now I get what you saying, like, oh, you smell like outdoors. You motherfucker smell like outdoors. I. Gotta go ahead easy, but I do have a segue. Question into what, Not just it? Listen, I got the perfect example for what he was talking about. Like growing up, every time I want to leave out the house, my mother would ask me where I'm going, what I'm gonna do, what time I'm coming back, who are going to be there, how I'm gonna get there, how I'm gonna get back. Shits keep us annoying as fuck, wasn't it?

At that time. It was annoying at that time and then it got to the point where I already knew what questions you was going to ask and I started answering it and I realized as I got older. This is why she started saying those things, because of what's going in the world. Well, you gotta remember your parents are your first role models. Yeah, like that. That that's if you had that luxury. Yeah, like, well, whether you have one parent or two that parent or parents, that's the role model. That's the first person you look up to for guidance for, you know, the sincerity.

That's the person you look at. So us being parents now? We have to understand and know like they're really looking at us now for this. Speaking of parents being your role models, what is something that you may have experienced or learned as a child that you want to do the opposite with your child Now that you are a parent that your parents may have done with you or to you, I'll. Go last. Not for real. The easier the answer being an absentee father. Like I just can't see myself doing that. I've I've been through that and the certain certain thing about about with boys not having fathers in their lives is you start to adopt male figures like like I've said taught me right and wrong depending on what you go right and wrong.

So you start to you start to adopt their personalities start to adopt like their their aspects and all that. And then you're still trying to figure yourself out in that. But in the same time it's still a it's still a missing piece because like none of these people are my father. So now I so now I got to like like I got to figure out where you are and if I'm and if I meet you or if I had met you, I get the chance to meet you. I might not like the person that I'm meeting.

Say, well, the lack of my father being around helped me become more understanding the person that I am now. So he wasn't around because he didn't want to be if I was on drugs, so. Addiction. Yeah, it's addiction. So my mother kept kept us away from him, you know, until he cleaned himself up, because I did see him a couple times, all this other stuff I'd be happy, spend the night at his house, all this other shit.

But of course with me now I don't do drugs of course. And I always said that I will always be there for my son.

But like that's why I can't say like a lot of people like, oh, my fault, like he wasn't there for me. I don't like no I've. Grown up to realize okay, he actually tried. I don't fault for mother for keeping us away from him, but I know that he tried to come see us. But I know how addiction can be in people so. I'll go before Guy because I speak on this from both sides of the coin.

I think one thing I learned is. As a parent now and going through as they say, custody dispute because as you know in with lesbians the custody dispute is way worse and can get way more volatile in some incidents than with heteros. Because, you know, there is that when my daughter was born, legally, I couldn't be on her birth certificate.

Because they did not recognize, you know, samesex couples having kids and samesex marriages at that time. So literally, my daughter will be 18 next year and I've just in the last few years been able to legally be on her birth certificate as her parent. Big mother always threatened me with child support, but child support and only support, I take care of my kid. I think one thing that can tell me is. Make time for your kids and not excuses. Make more time and less excuses. My father, I would say, chose to build a family elsewhere.

I have three older siblings and one sibling younger than me, biologically by him. And then I have a stepsister that they adopted who's right above my youngest brother. My oldest two siblings. As we say, they were born out of love. He participated more actively in raising them and they lived ten blocks from me growing up. So you know, as we get older, it was always your mom, your mom, your mom, and then as a kid, you start to resent the other parent. But you know, as I got older and I understand in some aspects why my mom did what she did, because she was tired of seeing me disappointed and.

Of course parents feel like kids don't remember things. But for example, like I remember calling my father because he had visitation rights for my middle sister for like every other weekend. And he would be like, I'm going to pick you up at Friday at 6:00 o'clock and then I will call and pager. I'm that old. He had a pager then and he wouldn't answer me for days, weeks at a time and would never give a justification why he just didn't come. So now in my 30s. My relationship with my father is kind of like nonexistent innocence and I don't think he'll ever fully digest.

Well, apparently he watches the podcast, so he's going to see it. Now why I respond to him the way that I do? Because now even when we engage, you engage with me like you're my friend. You don't engage with me as somebody who is my parental figure and. Watching him build a life with his wife and her kids just kind of in a sense of and instill something into to make you feel like you're not good enough. What? One thing I learned from my mom to instill in my child, and I actually have is getting mental health help.

My mom grew up in that era of, you know, with the parents of. There is no such thing as mental health issues or what happens in this house stays in and they don't get help for these things. My mom is in her 50s and still battling childhood trauma because that was instilled in her that therapy is not important and therapy isn't going to fix you and I. Watch how her behavior towards me and my brother. Of course we feel a way about it, but now that I've been to therapy. And process some things and seeing it from a different perspective.

I can understand it. Whether I like it, I don't have to agree with it, but I understand why she acted the way she did or she responded the way she did. Or in a sense of what she thought was love is how she expressed it, because that was what she was taught. And like, you guys know this. I'm not a very big physical touch person. I didn't grow up in a household that was affectionate like that. We didn't give hugs. We didn't always tell each other We loved each other. You know, we didn't do any of that in my family.

So me trying to embrace that now, like, even in my romantic relationships, it's very hard and it's always a problem. That's one thing I don't do to my daughter. The first time she ever mentioned anything about mental health, I called her other mother and was like, let's get her a therapist. She asked for it. I wish when I was 12 that I got a therapist when I asked for it. You know, the first time I even thought about harming myself. I was a teenager, so I wish that my parent when parents because I had my mom had boyfriends.

She does have a husband, you know. I have parental male figures and uncles. I wish that they took those things most serious. So with my daughter, that is one thing that I did not instill with her is. We are breaking breaking that black stigma that mental health should not be treated. If you feel like you need to talk to somebody that is not us, we will pay for it. We waste money on way worse things. So if that's a waste of money from a parent perspective, that will benefit my child in the long run.

I will do that. Because the one thing I can say, and you know this is me being an aunt to like nephews or even daughters.

We ain't raising no fuck, boys. And no, fuck girls, because I think that is a problem as well with our generation of of adults or even, you know you. And still a dating things is the absentee parent, whether it's male or female. And the behaviors and the toxic behaviors that our parents experience in their relationships when kids were involved is why the fuck boy culture is so high. Because our parents made it seem like it was OK because. You know your father disappear for six weeks and your mom take him back.

He dropped Dick off and everything is all good and the disappear and you're instilling in your daughters that being treated like that is OK Me on the other hand, I ain't taking that shit. That was one thing I I have experienced some shit with watching my mom go through different relationship domestic violence, emotional abuse. Me. You can go ahead and go. You you can go and go. If you want to leave, get go. One monkey, don't stop, no show. Because that's I'm a big thing against domestic violence.

Don't put your hands on me. Don't touch me. I won't touch you. Like I'd punch something before I punch someone. And I have done it like I've punched the wall because I feel like if I'm at that point with anyone, especially someone that I love, walk away, walk away. I clearly don't love you enough because you know, as we say, like domestic violence is not love. I don't give a fuck how they portray it on TV. The motherfucker can kiss you and buy you 10 Birkin bags after he whip your ass. That is not love.

I'm sorry, I ran boot. Hey man, do you think, man? Say, man, I feel like for me it's a little bit different the way I grew up. Like Mommy, she watched this, never watched. So there ain't no secret. I put in my music too. I always felt like I was the child. They really didn't give two shit, two shits about because they felt like, oh, he's going to be OK. You know what I mean? The strongest. It's like, Oh my. I'm gonna do this. Oh, no, no. But wait, I gotta do this for your brother. Well, no, because you know, your brother or your sister or your brother or your sister.

You know, we like the Jackson Five. We deep as shit. So it's like it is. It's like, damn, like, do I get the the shot at, you know, getting that time from y'all. And I don't feel like my parents ever understood that, even to this day. And I'm a grown man, I have my own children. They still don't get how that bothered me to it, as though I had to seek help myself. Being the black sheep, yeah. Fucking black sheep. They feel like you sheep. Yeah, they feel like you're strong enough that you don't need the same amount of attention.

And that that's not good because that can make a person feel like, yeah, well, y'all putting me here and they're here, but you're saying I'm here, but I'm treated like I'm here. So I never, I never let that register in my mind in a positive way, ever. And that's what made me lash out and do the certain things that I were doing, I was doing from fucking 12 years old on up. Until I was damn near 25, I was just doing shit. Because, you know, I come from a a A2 parent household. But it's my mom and my step dad who's my father because he raised me.

My father died when I was three years old. You asked me anything about him, I couldn't fucking tell you. I don't know what his voice sounded like, what his hand felt like, what he what what his manualisms were what His last? I don't know. None of that shit. All I know is I look just like the motherfucker, and that's just me being real for me. I never wanted to pass down to my children what he did and how he lived his life. Because of the stories that I hear, I wasn't there. I don't know. It took a long time for anybody to tell me how my father really died.

I was 2627 years old when I found out how he really died. My entire life I was told the man had an asthma attack, was triggered a heart attack, and he died in the hospital. Come and find out. Fucking fall. Die from AIDS? Damn. Damn, you know. What I'm saying but this is the traumatic shit that bothers me on the daily basis and nobody understands that shit. Nobody gets it. When you go to your parent and say, well, why you didn't tell me is oh, I didn't want nobody to hurt you. Who the fuck is gonna what is gonna hurt me more?

You not telling me something I found out randomly. Will mean knowing and growing up knowing this. To know what not to fucking do both what not to say you understand what I'm saying. Both essentially, because in the era we grew up in those type of things 'cause, OK, for example, easy think about how the world knew how he died, right? Think about his children having to go to school could potentially being bully. Not saying you're the bully type, but I can understand both both sides of the coin. I get that, but that wasn't the excuse that was given to me, but that what was given to me was I didn't want your siblings to talk down on you because of your father, I said.

You really think the motherfuckers are that shallow that they would do that to me? Now granted my brothers and sisters the are some assholes. I think with you there's some fucking Dicks like y'all think I'm bad. Shit, Michael Jackson. That's just 1. Is real. Like when I say real, my entire all of my siblings is sterile, like very thorough, down to my fucking baby sister. They don't care about nothing at all. And I'm like the voice of reason sometimes. And sometimes I would think I'm the only child, or they think I'm the oldest and I'm not.

I'm damn it less. But at the same time, I live a certain life that. A lot of them aren't accustomed to, so I'm looked at as oh hey, the mature oh. And I'm And I ain't gonna hold you. I'm fucking not. I'm childish as shit, I'm we know. I'm childish as fuck. But we know I'm the youngest and I am the oldest. But like I if you know, you know. I never wanted my children to go through what I went through as a kid. No lights, no hot water for damn near a year in a house. Y'all see how I am now? Y'all know me, Y'all was picked on as a kid.

You know why? Because I didn't have what everybody else had. I didn't have the nicest shit to fly and shit. You know why I own over 370 something Pet shoes right now? Because AB counted on God. Because everything that I ever wanted as a kid. I went back and got when I started making my own money because I said, you know what? That's what I want to do. I never was a hype beast. I went back and got every fucking pair of shoes that I ever wanted as a kid that I was told no to and granted they may not have had it.

That's cool, but what we understood was no. Yeah, but you and you. But also you talking to a motherfucker who would a pop. You got 5000. Listen, I ain't gonna damn money some right now a pop. You got 10 out so I can get some weed here. So I'm going. Probably what? He's fucked up. Motherfucker. I just wanted to fucking slice a piece from fucking 711. This wanna down, babe. This a bitch. But that shit really happened and my parents look at that shit like that never happened. What? You know, seats in my fucking memory.

What? You mean our? Parents so I would never do it to my kids. What I learned one thing is our parents get amnesia real quick. When you start digesting shit and you get those, the memories that you thought you put off and they you suppressed and you'd be like I remember when. No, I said. They. Ain't never happen. I ain't do that. And I yeah. Yes, you did. And they would sway you up and down that you are lying on them. Fuck all of that. So to end all well and be well, I know that I'm not the perfect father.

No one is. No matter what we do, we're not the perfect parent. I know for a fact I'm not, especially with my youngest daughter, but I try my best to do everything in my power I can. While I can. You know why? Because my father was not here to see who the fuck I am. He don't know who I am. He don't know what I what I accomplished what I did. You know how angry I get what my fucking say? Well, you just like your father. You dancing and everything. No, I'm just like me. I don't know what the fuck he did.

I don't care what he did. I did this shit for me, not for him. I didn't do it because somebody was like, oh, your father used to dance. I did this shit because it was fucking fun and I got bitches, but I never. Have I ever forced that on it? No. When I when she want to dance, she'd do it. If she don't, guess what, Don't do it. Winter. Same thing. You don't want to do it. You ain't no never. Let nobody make you do something you don't want to do. I wish Miles wouldn't take in a motorcycle so goddamn early.

This shit is irritating. So, you know, it's me, man. The one thing I can applaud the four of us is us taking the negative experience because we all have an absentee parent regardless of it's death or life. And we essentially show up for our kids that especially in a close knit circle like we are, you got that did be friend who's also that did be parent. And you know I definitely want to applaud you guys for being great father figures regardless of what anybody will say about you guys. You guys showing up not in addition to you know just your birth children.

You know, some of you or all of us are parental figures to children that are not biologically ours. Bonus Dad Yeah, you know a bonus parent and that takes a lot too because that bond, you know, negatively, we can be like that bond could be taken away, but we still show up for these kids and that is amazing itself. And guys, I thank you for diving deep into this conversation with me. We're coming to the close of this episode. Thank y'all for joining us for another episode of Really On this podcast.

We want to shout out our sponsor. No Heart, No Hustle clothing. Make sure y'all shot with the motherfucking gay. Also, let's not forget our studio home, Digital Impact Studios. We looking for a studio home. There's the people you need to talk to. Find them on social media at Digital Impact Studios and at no heart, no hustle on everything. And I mean everything. And love your motherfucking kids. Y'all. See that? Yeah, man. Love you motherfucking kids. Show up for your motherfucking kids, no matter how hard it is.

Show up for them fucking kids. Because at the end of the day, them kids going to feel that more than your baby mother, your baby father. That's it. That's all. Thank Y'all for joining us for another episode of Really On the podcast I'm Shady. I'm comic fly. I'm nocturnal. I'm hurting we out of here.